WTF...

I was planning on writing about all the acronyms that dad uses - But it has been a weird weekend - We are busily preparing for the arrival of our daughter (70% chance it's a girl) - The Loyalists travelled down to Moncton for an indoor Training session at the Dundee Sports Dome - Fantastic spot, Will Pacey Turned 19 and Jackman bought 4 new pairs of pants (2 Trousers and 2 Slacks) - but to really add a "wtf" factor to the weekend - two special people passed away - Dick Greenwell, always affectionately known as Margie's Dick, he was Simon's uncle and Brian Robichaud - who was only 39 and always full of life, His mother took care of me for the first 18 months of my life and he has always been around.

Maybe god was running short of really great, funny guys, he's got two beauties now

My condolances go out to thier familes.

WTF indeed ...

It's Like Lugging Around a Bungalow...

Hadn't heard this one before - it's a good one - Dad was expressing his relief in finding out that my mom was healthy - There was the possibilty that Cancer was about to re-enter our lives, but thankfully mom is fine. The waiting is the hard part, it always is, just like my last posting, living each moment as hard as you can is the best way to keep your mind off the things that will or won't happen, good or bad.

Just 7 more weeks - then I am a full on dad - I can't sleep sometimes I'm so excited - I do realise that I'll have to make up a bunch of expressions and teach our little one life lessons, I hope that I'll be able to be as colourful with my expressions as dad is with his. I'm sure that I'll use some of these, most likely when the baby gets older (18+ for some of them).

It's funny what rubs off on kids - One time many years ago - my entire family was sitting around on a warm summer night - and my Sister Meghan was 3 or 4 years old - and her needs weren't being met, she tried being nice and hoping for the best - then she decided to take matters into her own hands - she yelled "Pass The Goddamn Lobster" - I almost cried I was laughing so hard - my Grandmother got a big kick out of it as well I think she told that she should say "please", I think Megs learned the lesson of "Time and Place" - which is a good one to learn early.

we were out at Katie's (Meghan's Best Friend) TTFN party tonight - It's hard letting people leave your life, but Katie is fantastic and will be a Superstar down in New Zealand.

...and hey a Bungalow on the hill is selling for $229,000 - so put down the one that you are lugging around, stick a sign out in front of it - and hopefully you'll be rewarded accordingly...

Wherever you go, There you Are...

This is for sure NOT an Original Malcolmism - but it's one of his favorites - Seems silly on the surface, no kidding - I'm am where I am ! The tricky thing about this one is the underlying value of this statement - It's about being present in the moment that you are in, not off dreaming about something that has yet to happen, but enjoying the moment that you are living.

Goals and Planning how to reach them lead to success, but fully enjoying each day leads to a life well lived.

So here's to that Gypsy Spirit that crops up in us all from time to time - That spirit runs deep in my family (we've been to 5 continents) and to that wanderlust that brings us to new places so we can just be there...

And We Too Fight For Fighting Sake...

The Lost Master

“And when I come to die, “ he said,
“Ye shall not lay me out in state,
Nor leave your laurels at my head,
Nor cause your men of speech orate;
Nor monument your gift shall be,
Nor column in the Hall of Fame;
But just the line ye grave for me:
‘He played the game.’”

So when his glorious task was done,
It was not of the fame we thought;
It was not of his battles won,
But of the pride with which he fought;
But of his zest, his ringing laugh,
His trenchant scorn of praise or blame:
And so we graved his epitaph,
“He played the game.”

And so we, too, in humbler ways
Went forth to fight the fight anew,
And heeding neither blame nor praise,
We held the course he set us true.
And we, too, find the fighting sweet;
And we, too fight for fighting’s sake;
And though we go down in defeat,
And though our stormy hearts may break,
We will not do our master shame:
We’ll play the game, please God,
We’ll play the game.

- Robert Service

That is one of Dad's favorite poems, and one of mine for that fact - I think this poem is all about attitude, how it's less about the outcome of the fight (the challenge) and more about the taking on of the fight (meeting the challenge) I take the whole thing to be a way to live - It's not a Malcolmism - but dad has read this poem aloud before - I remember reading it around the time that my Grandfather died - he was very much like the man described in this poem, that's probably why we like it so much ...

Time to Climb the Wooden Mountain...

This wouldn't make much sense without some context - Dad must have told me this a hundred thousand times as I was growing up - It was a nice and adventurous way of saying go to bed. What got me thinking about this one is the fact that it's January 25th, it's dark when you wake up, it's dark when you get home - I just feel like sleeping all the time, it's quite the effort to get myself off the couch, bed, chair

I go to bed around 9:30 every night, I would watch TV until 10:30 or 11, but there doesn't seem much worth watching these days. I enjoy Lost, 24, ER, The Office and My Name is Earl - That's about it, maybe a Law and Order SVU if it's not a rerun.

When I was young I had to go to bed at 7 or 8, at least that's how I remember it, it was probably later, but for this story let's say 7pm - every now and then on special occasions dad would wake me up, and get me to come downstairs to watch Kung Fu - starring David Carradine - I thought that it was the middle of the night, it was most likely 9 or 10pm - but I remember the excitement - I still get up lots through the night, to let the dogs out, and I guess that with a new baby on the way that's just the beginning.

I wonder if dad was actually goal setting for me all those times, because if you shrink a mountain down to a set of stairs, a very do-able goal - who knows what goals you could set and accomplish? Or maybe helping me work on my imagination, imagine the dreams you could dream if you just climbed a mountain? Those both seem way too deliberate - he was just probably trying to get me to bed so he could lay down on the couch...

It's only 9am, but I'm already thinking about Climbing that Mountain...

He Could Make a Dog Laugh...

This expression is quite self explanetatory - because as most of you should know - dogs can't quite laugh, although my dog Simon can Smile and speak softly - he unfortunately cannot giggle - but if anybody could by some small miracle muster a quiet chuckle out of him it would be Aaen.

Dad uses this expression for someone who is very very funny, luckily I am surrounded by some of the funniest people around - and as today is his 29th Birthday this one goes out to Capital O.

My other dog Max, who is very political by nature, I think he was laughing under his breath at Canada this morning.

Happy birthday Aaen, keep those dogs Laughing...

Come Big or Stay Home...

Dad says this is an expression from playing cards, something you would tell your Partner - but it's also a good way to go through life.

I spent the weekend in Training to be part of "The Esteem Team" - it was a good weekend, but tiring - the Esteem Team goes into schools and their presenters telling stories of about their sport or life experince in the hope that it gives kids some lessons that they could take away. It was fun having to remember the stories and then trying to pull a lesson out of them, It was cool that Simon and I were a part of most of the stories that the other person had, that or you had heard them so often they've almost become your own - I was impressed by the progress that everyone made over two short days - and by Sunday afternoon we were starting to look like old pros. One of the topics I'm going to speak to in my presentation is "The more you put in to something, the more you'll get out of it" - which is, kinda like, "Come Big or Stay Home" So I guess I'm going to spread some of Malcolm's wisdom.

I know that this is something that crossed my mind when our Rugby club decided that we would go to try to win the national championship in Edmonton this coming May - We are setting our Goals high, and I know that we will acheive them - So we're coming big and I don't think anybody is staying home...

I'd Rather have a Bottle in Front of Me, than a Frontal Lobotomy...

This is a very fitting Friday quote - When I was young I would repeat this, simply because it was fun to say - never realising the implications to alchohol - or even wondering what a lobotmy was - it just rolls off the tongue and was good word play (the second lowest form of humour).

So when I finally came to the realization that it was about drinking - and a Brain Operation involving an ice pick that is inserted though yourt eye sockets, and severing the prefrontal cortex from the rest of the brain - I think that I almost rather do anything than let this happen - it was a treatment for those deemed to be too agressive, psychotic or criminally insane. Ironically the guy who came up with the procedure was shot to death by one of his patients - it only works in 1/3 of the cases, with symptoms getting worse in 1/3 of the cases and the final 1/3 of people have nothing to show for their efforts except a headache (I'm assuming) and some awful memories.

I once heard that God invented beer to stop Props (Rugby Position) from taking over the world - maybe beer is the liquid lobotmy then - because some people get slow, others get crazy and others don't seem to change at all, maybe they were just drunk to begin with...

Nothing is Never, or Always...

I think that this may be the deepest thing Malcolm has ever uttered - and in it's most simple form it relates to the only certainty is that there is no certainty - kind of like job stability in this day and age. This statement actually flies right in the face of more than one James Bond movie title, but I think the wisdom is sound.

Growing up it basically eliminates two words from your vocabulary (Never or Always) - and leaves you with a simple universal truth. The underlying truth to this statment is TIMING.

If you tackle a stranger in the street - it's assault - If you tackle him on the Rugby Field it's Rugby, if you tackle him in the street after he's stolen a purse, it's justice - Really depends on the timing of the tackle. This goes for many things - Like Polls for instance - are the Tories going to win - The polls say they will, I say what does a polish election have to do with Canada.

I'm all for the democratic process - but all the spinning is making me sick - I understand that we need to have accountable government - it would be the first time this ever happened anywhere in the world - ever. To get into power, parties must make promises to people, not just for votes (they can break those promises), but they have to make back room promises (They have to keep these ones - there is money attached) to get funding so they can get to the point where they can ask you for your vote. Those are the promises that Martin is paying for now, and that (If the polls are right) Harper will be paying for next week sometime. Bob Dylan said "People don't do what they believe in, they do what's most conveinent, then they repent" - I'm sure that next week some politician will be saying he's sorry about something - Different politicians different scandals - it's part and parcel with politics - it's the sexy part, without scandals politics is simply a bunch of 50 year olds making promises to spend your tax dollars on things, that a little under 50% of us couldn't care less about.

So here's to always never doing nothing...

He'd Have To stand on a Brick to Kick a Duck in the Ass...

Getting ready to kick some ducks...

Now at first reading this quote (a favorite of many) would be plain and simple about a short person - For some reason this person of diminished size has a beef with a Duck, and decides to settle the score by giving him a kick in the tail feathers, but because he is so small he needs to bring a brick (or a bucket...he's used this one as well) with him to stand on to be able to perform the desired action.

That's a funny mental picture, and That's all it might be a funny expression used to make light of the fact that the person was small of stature... or it could be a hidden lesson in problem solving - if you can't do what you want to do (Kick the Duck) with what you have (vertically challenged) you get what you need (Brick/Bucket) so that you can get through your roadblock...

That might be a stretch...

Problem solving is an important everday skill - If you are of a competetive nature you could think of it as picking up your game to meet life's daily challenges, because that's really what it is.

So back to Kicking Ducks - when I was 5 or 6 my Dad brought me to one of his friend's farm, and while he was talking I decided that I wanted to go and pat the swans or geese (whatever they were) anyways they aren't friendly birds and snaped at me, and chased me out of their pen, as I was climbing over the fence I got a nice bite to my rear - I imagine a similar scenario as to why the short guy wanted to kick that duck so bad.

On another note - dad told me a story about being at the Lunar Rogue, when some guy kicked a pigeon, which litterally scared the shit out the bird, which ended up all over a table of obnoxious patrons - I guess that's why you'd kick ducks, not Pigeons...

He Wouldn't Piss in Your Ear if Your Brain was on Fire...

The Work of a Mean Person

I've always loved this expression - Gives me the mental image of a very selfish, cheap, mean spirited man - because he wouldn't even go out of his way to use the bathroom on you, if by some super unfortunate coincidence your brain burst into flames (how would that happen).

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK - I recall seeing that bumper sticker on many orange VW vans driving around Fredericton, I think they were on to something. Mean people do suck, I'm sure they don't intend to be mean, they may not even know they are mean, people don't think of themselves as mean do they? I hope not.

So today when you go out into the world - decide that you'll be nice, it might be a bit harder, look for the good side of whatever crosses your path and you'll be better off at the end of the day. Oh yeah and you should drink 8-10 glasses of water: it cleans out your Toxins (maybe that's what makes people mean - I'm no Biologist, my Mother is though) and could really come in handy when you stumble upon one of the before mentioned brain fires...

You don't Stop Wrestling a Gorilla when YOU get Tired...

Now this is a good expression, I don't think It's a dad original and the one he most often uses has a slight Variation - but this is a family show and we aim to keep it that way.

Have you ever been mauled by a 200 lb Gorilla? You're about to be...

What got me thinking about this expression was - we just got back from King Kong - great film - crappy ending - I'm always rooting for Kong. This expression is a funny one, because it leaves the punch line to the listener, a type of assumption that the person that hears it knows enough about wrestling Gorillas to know that you stop when the Ape is tired - I guess this expression could be about doing things half assed, my wife is always telling me to use my whole ass - But I've also heard this expression at half times of rugby games to remind us that the fight isn't over until that final whistle blows, that's when you can stop with the Monkey Wrestling.

Do it your best, until it's done - Never Ever Give Up, If it was important enough to start, it's important enough to finish.

It's Better to be Pissed off than Pissed on...

Now dad did say this quite a bit but it's a universal truth afterall, because who really wants that to happen. I guess the underlying lesson in this would have to be: If you don't enjoy your circumstances, do something about it or the more obvious - that being mad is a more favourable than being a push over... me no know, the first one sounds better so we'll go with that.

I guess that this Australian mountain range held the opposite opinion...

You Can't Make Chicken Soup out of Chicken Shit...

This expression is one of my favorites - I just thought it was a funny mental picture of some dude stiring chicken shit in a pot of boiling water - Then, through my teen years, it took on a defeatist slant - as in we don't have the necessary ingredients to be successful - when in actual fact and after much pondering - the inherant wisdom is quite deep - you get out of something what you put into it - hard work = good rewards - it's simple, and it's late so I'm feeling a little simple myself. So dad thanks for the good advice, I think the people taking those election polls are hoping for soup, who knows what we'll get... I hope we can all stomach it.

Oh yeah you can't make gasoline Peugots run on diesel either...

and If My Aunt Had Nuts She'd be my Uncle...

Now at first glance this seems like a very odd thing to say, and as a youth I would laugh and go on my way, most likely repeating it to myself and probably thinking how crazy my dad was.

Low and behold the gem of wisdom that was actually being passed along - responsibility for your actions. It seems a little crazy to me that people blame other people for what happens to them, and try to come up with "good" excuses, when in fact there are no "good" excuses, or "bad" excuses - there are simply excuses.Don't make excuses - take responsibility and exert your power to be the one would is dealing with their own life or be the victim, an innocent that lets things happen to them - it's your choice; it's not much of a choice, but it's yours.

What got me thinking about this was last night's federal election debate - I only watched a bit of it, all the spinning makes me sick, but there was lots of blaming and accusing and not too much of anything special for your average Canadian. No one was taking any blame for anything. One of my colleagues commented that the best thing that could probably happen would be a conservative minority - that way the grits would have a leadership conference - Mckenna would win and New Brunswick would prosper.

If my dad hadn't taught me these life lesson so early in life maybe they wouldn't have sunk in and maybe I wouldn't have a wife, a house, two dogs and a baby on the way... but then again if my aunt had nuts she'd be my uncle...

thanks Dad.

Keep 'Er Between the Posts...

I've heard this expression ever since I got my Licence in grade 10 - I would ask for the car, dad would ask where I was going? I'd say "out" - dad would ask when I'd be back, I'd say "Later" then dad would say "no" - I'd then provide him with tangible answers and then he'd let me take the car out, with the seemily glib word of advice "Keep 'Er Between the posts".

Now at 16 - I took this to be a straight forward, direct order meaning to keep the car on the road and between the light poles - I was reminded of this expression earlier today when I uttered it to myself as I was driving behind a gentleman that would jump on the brakes and swerve onto the shoulder everytime a transport truck drove by him in the opposite direction - in fairness it was snowing quite hard and he was likely from Minto (just joking) - but this expression jumped into my head - I thought about it a bit and pondered it's deeper meaning - was dad giving me subtle life lessons - was he trying to impart some goal setting skills? Staying on track to a goal is very important and everyday in my work I see what happens when people get off track - so maybe he was trying to keep me on the road, or maybe he was just talking about kicking for points in rugby: Either way it's always better to be between the posts.

Speaking about keeping 'Er between the posts - my lifelong best friend Simon has recently gone back to school to complete his degree, this is fantastic and I'm very proud of him. Goes to show that the road is wider than you'd think and that sometimes there is a great distance between the posts.

Good Things Come in Small Packages...

This may not be a Malcolm Original, but it was certainly used by him enough to encourage me as I was "growing up", I use that term loosely as I was never very tall( 4'7" in Grade 4) or very Heavy (160 lbs in first Year at UNB) but my parents always told me this - they never explained that I was the good thing, but that's what I understood that to mean - we now have a small package of our own on the way(she may not be that small, she is a MacAfee afterall - she should be here just in time for St. Patrick's Day - Might Cramp my day long drinking at the Rogue, but she will be well worth it, and that would be a fantastic birthday to have.

Thinking about becoming a dad is very exciting, mostly because it gets me thinking about how good my dad was/is to me, and how much I admire him, he's going through a rough patch at the moment and I'm glad that I can be there for him. I look forward to spending time with my daughter, teaching her, learning from her but mostly just enjoying the world through a new pair of eyes (bloodshot from sleep deprivation as I understand).

So I guess good things also come FROM small packages - see you soon Baby Mac.

Two Canoes and an Irish Retreiver...

This phrase was uttered to me countless times, Dad always ads this onto any list he makes up - for instance if that kid from Sesame Street were going to the store for my father he would pick up a loaf of bread, a quart of milk a pound of butter, two canoes and an Irish retreiver. I think he would have a harder time getting home, but that would be the list - I asked dad recently what was the story behind that expression and he told me a limerick about an affair between a Pervert and a symbol of Canada (The Beaver) - and that the product of their affection was a canvasback duck, two canoes and an Irish Retreiver. The actual limerick is far too rude to commit to this blog, but who knew that all those times when I instictively added it to peoples lists I was actually being quite rude. The wisdom that you aquire as an adult certainly sheds some light on many childhood experiences.

This blog has given me some insight into my own life, and the life of my father - he is a silly man, so am I.

He could have fun in the Geary woods...

This Blog came about because one of my best friends asked me to come up with a list some of the more colourful expressions that my father has used over the years - Which got me thinking about all useful and odd advice that I've received from my dad - which lead me to want to somehow share this advice, mixed with some of my own and use this as a forum to clear some of my thoughts.

Why would you listen to Malcolm? Why wouldn't you? He's a great guy and a snappy dresser... I think this is the perfect compliment, but he's also one of my most favorite people. He's always been there for me, and my sister, my family, all of our family, all of our friends, all of his friends - he's always there. If you ask him for something he'll always say "no" first - I guess if it was important enough you'll ask again and have some reasons why you feel he should say yes - and he often does. He has great stories which mostly involve him and his friends or family having fun somewhere. When you walk around downtown with Malcolm, he knows everyone, this isn't the cool part, the cool part is that everyone always has a smile on their face and a joyful greeting when the see him - you can't beat that.

As the title of this blog suggests - an important characteristic of all of my dad friends is their abilty to see the lighter side of life, and to make to most out of every moment. Which could be the lesson that dad may have been trying to impart all the times that he said that about someone he admired, that hopefully it would rub off on us and the we too could make the most out of our moments and indeed have fun in the Geary woods, or then again maybe I am wrong and there is some super fun bar in the Geary woods- you never know...

Smarten up and Fly Right...

This phrase was uttered to me countless times as I was growing up - It's not complicated, I always thought it had something to do with a duck that was flying upside down, but it's a good note to start this new year on. Here are some things that I intend on doing this year to make my life more enjoyable.

1. Go to bed earlier (10 pm)– get up earlier (6am)
2. Do cardio every morning
3. drink more water
4. go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week
5. no more fast food
6. take vitamins
7. eat more fruit
8. have a green veggie in every meal
9. eat breakfast
10. eat smaller lunches
11. Spend more time with my wife
12. Do more push ups / sit ups
13. save more money
14. Only eat 1 meal per meal (I tend to go back for seconds, very Hobbit like of me)
15. Become a great father
16. Spend more time with my family
17. set aside time to have fun
18. Read more
19. Spend More time on the River (My Happy Place)

Everybody should make a list (Only put things on it that you really want to do) put it somewhere where you'll see it all the time and use it as a reminder of the person that you wanted to become on January 1st.

Turns out that the "Smartening up" was easy - it's the "Flying Right" that's hard.

So here's to good weather, a strong tail wind - and a great 2006

Dance with the girl that Brung ya...

This is a great piece of advice that my dad once imparted to me - it means that you have to deal with the situation that presents itself to you. I've just returned from my uncle's funeral - it was sad, he was young, a vibrant personality who did alot for his community, was exactly where he wanted to be, doing exactly the thing he wanted to do with the people he loved. Funerals and wakes are weird, they are almost like a dinner party (lots of food, good company and drinks) except that the person who would most enjoy the crowd has passed away - My uncle would have loved the past four days - The entire family was there, his house was full, there were lots of funny stories being told, and to top it off we got storm stayed in Plaster Rock. My cousin Margaret was so strong through the entire thing - you can tell that Micheal raised her, she is wise and composed beyond her years, just like Micheal. I can see why he lived there, it is quiet and very beautiful, a perfet place to Ski, Canoe, read and spend time with the people that meant the most to him.

So now we go on with our lives, do the best the can, smile when we remember and shead tears when we miss him. I guess we all have to keep on dancin'... but sometimes the girl is a lousy partner.